out of "retirement".

holy shit, it's been nearly four years since my last post. is that enough time to heal and process all the disappointment, toxicity, sadness, frustration, etc that had built up? i guess the pandemic did funny things to accelerate everything and blur all memory. 

but back up, what HAVE i been doing the past four years, when not being forced to stay home? i've totally focused on my ultimate frisbee career and it's been an incredible experience so far. i've been playing at least 3-5x a week, every week, and so. many. tournaments. i toured for two summers with mixed masters and women's masters teams and got to play in two canadian national championships. the ultimate community is incredible and supportive and so brilliant. i gotta say this summer really put me in peak fitness and i definitely hit a lot of goals - what is age but a number anyway. 

every time i think about the trajectory of ultimate compared to floorball in toronto, i have mixed feelings about all that could have been for the sport (but still can be!), still, i can't help but think of how much of my life i've dedicated to floorball, how much it's meant to me, all the doors it has opened, and all the amazing people i've met allover the world because of this crazy sport.

 the toronto floorball scene is nearly dead, with tiny exclusive pockets still held up by old fanatics and relics of the golden era. i haven't been playing at all.

BUT THEN. 

when i saw that this year's WFC was happening in singapore, all thoughts of putting my gear away for good flew out the window. representation on asian soil?! SIGN ME UP. i did tryouts in december and got the best christmas gift of an acceptance letter to this year's national team roster. WFCQ vs the USA is happening in just over one month and GODDAMN i want redemption. 

 some of the old anxieties are flooding back. the full roster hasn't been released yet, but i have an idea of who i'll be wearing the red and white with. i'm happy it's a mix of rookies and vets but i just hope it's enough. if this year doesn't work out...well, let's not go there and trust in the ingenuity of this year's coach(es).  

more to come.